This past week was pretty hard. I found so many minutes of my day were spent thinking about food and eating. It was to the point where I actually found myself rather agitated and wanting to eat. I pushed through and did not give in. I made myself busy and chewed a lot of ice. ICE! YUMMY! A nice crunchy change from my liquid lifestyle. Still something to chew on, and still allowed! It definitely helps me get through the rough moments.
The other thing that gets me through the rough moments are the people in my life. I have such wonderful supportive people surrounding me and cheering me on through this change. First and foremost I am accountable to myself, but there is this little voice in my head saying, do not let yourself down, and do not let your supporters down. It does help me, and it has been working wonders! I was so worried that people would think that I was crazy for doing this. Really, it is very extreme, and I had a hard time convincing myself that I could actually do it. So far, so good!! I have found a strength inside of me to do this, and to keep me motivated to succeed. I will not fail at this, and I will not let my demons win. The demons are still very much alive, but they are starting to shut the hell up!!! Proof, that I am winning!!
Tuesday night was my weekly program meeting, and the moment of truth.... the WEIGH IN!!! It's sort of a bittersweet experience. I look forward to it because I am one more week closer to the end, I am one more week closer to a healthier lifestyle, but it is my show down with the scale that scares me. For people who are overweight, we tend to spend our fat lives avoiding the ugly reality of the number that screams the truth. I hate the scale, and have never even owned one in my 36 years. And I don't know if I ever will. So for now, I will make friends with the one at the program, and hope that she doesn't hate me when I step on her!!
This week, me and the scale, we good, we cool and we are still friends!! Another great week!! I am down 6.2 pounds this week!!! That is 6.2 pounds less of me to love!! Buh-bye fat, I will not miss you!! I feel so good, and my success just shifts me into overdrive. I am doing something right, and the number on the scale is my proof. I can do this, because I choose to do this!!
I must of looked silly at the meeting because I just couldn't stop smiling. I really like the people in my group. We are from all walks of life, but yet we have so much in common. There is one lady that stands out to me. We'll call her Dee. She is so positive and kind and just a wonderful person. She is like a cheerleader for the group and just an all around awesome lady. I hope to get to know her better, because she is lovely! The others in the group are awesome, and I am sure we will build some strong friendships! We are becoming a little family. It's nice.
This week is going to be interesting, especially because of Easter. My mother makes a wicked Easter dinner! Ham, Turkey, her homemade stuffing, candied yams, mashed potatoes, gravy, and a million other amazing and tasty items!! I love my moms holiday dinners, so this weekend will be tough, but I will prevail. I will not give in, and I will succeed. So as the family is dining, I will be at the gym, and will join them after for some board games, a shake and some ice!! I'm sure it will taste just like turkey and stuffing. Well, maybe not really, but a girl can dream right?
I will leave you with a poem that I found this week. I found it very inspiring, especially the last two lines. I have been saying them over and over when I am having a tough moment, and it has worked. "I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul."
Thanks everyone for your support and thanks for reading!
I am 20.2 pounds closer to a Brand New Me!!
Love, The Queen
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.
It matters not how straight the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.